This is a REAL bagel.

This is a REAL bagel.

A bread with a hole doth a bagel make.

Those who know me, know that I have a ‘thing’ for Bagels – real ones. Not those crappy supermarket ones that pretend to be a bagel – I’m talking about the real deal.

There are a few rules to a bagel, to know if it’s real or not. They mostly are


Lifecycle of a Bagel

  • 1st Day – Morning You don’t need any filling, you don’t need any toastings – they’re delicious as they are.
  • 1st Day – Afternoon It’s nice to have a bit of a filling, cut them in half & enjoy. You can still eat them as-is though.
  • 2nd Day – Morning Probably should, but don’t have to, toast them. And add maybe some butter with a sprinkling of salt.
  • 2nd Day – Afternoon It deffinatly needs a filling, no two ways about it. And pretty much should be toasted if you have access to a toaster.
  • 3rd Day – Morning 100% It needs to be toasted; sorry, this is your last day with them – make your peace.
  • 3rd Day – Afternoon It’s time to say your fair-wells, they won’t be any good tomorow – Toast AND filling.


Charactaristics of a Bagel

  • The bottom of them should be slightly burnt; definatly not a uniform colour.
  • It should be dough that’s been boiled and baked; making for a dense white bread-guts.
  • Most of the time, they’re slightly square. This is because of the way they’ve expanded whilst resting
  • The ‘hole’ shouldn’t be that big, ‘bits’ shouldn’t fall through it, although sometimes the filling might slightly fall. You can use a (g*d forgive me) bit of ham, as a gateway.
  • The best bit is when they join onto each other, and you tare them apart. When toasting, this bit gets super crispy.


The best fillings EVAH.

  • Wasabi, Cream Cheese (with chives), proper-crisps* & Smoked Salmon.
  • Chrain (a pink Horseradish condiment) – or mustard; and Salt Beef. Needs the Gurkins. And a Potato Ludka on the side.
  • Toasted with Butter and a sprinkling of salt. But the salt with the big grains… I think the Americans refer to that as ‘Kosha Salt’.
  • Bacon and Duck Egg. Bacon must be crispy. Some ketchup too, but not too much – or brown sauce. It used to be “HP Guiness Sauce” (RIP runs off crying)
  • Ham, Salad & Mustard.
  • Sweetened Chopped Herring (yes, sounds yuck, tastes lush)
  • Chopped Liver
  • If toasted, just Butter and a sprinkle of Salt.
  • Peanutbutter & Banana
  • Nutella
    * Like Kettle, or the posh ones from the supermarket – Walker’s doesn’t cut it here – treat it (and yourself) with a bit more respect.

Tip Top Tip: If you do it as an ‘Open Sandwich’, rather than sandwich it together – you get to use double the toppings.

Best local place to get them? “The Cockfosters Delicatessen”.

You can find them here:, who seem to get them fresh from the bagel factory (almost) every day.

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