Waffle and intro
On the amazing stuff that’s happened to me today, someone reminded me of “How they used to treat Crohns”, back in the day, like, in the mid 90s. When one was a young teenager. I was just about to explain a story about the expriment CT3211 , and I remembered I had some QOTW story from B3ta that explains them better than I could.
Please keep in mind that I was a lot younger when I wrote it, and I feel it would be an injustice to edit them in any way shape or form.
Q: The Best / Worst thing I’ve ever eaten.
A: Plain Potato, no skin, no butter, no salt, nothing but pure potato…. from a hospital trolly.
Those who know me on here know that I have something called Crones Desease. I won’t get into the blah-blah about it, but growing up they had a treatment called “CT3211”, it was something expermental by Nestlé designed for astronaughts. It’s a formular containing everything you need to stay alive nutritionally… and nothing else. Space wise, I presume they’re allowed to put some sort of flavouring in it, but crones wise, it was the extreme bare minimum as to what you need. The idea is that it’ll do a total detox of your body, that there is nothing inside you that isn’t accounted for, even chewing gum was out. This forumular, medically sterial water (tastes matalic, it’s not just boiled water), and…. that’s it. Third time around I was allowed Crusha milkshake syrup with the forumlar, which I’ll get onto later on.
The formula was horrific tasting, it had the consistency of a McDonalds milkshake, ever so slightly lumpy. The smell was that of Off Milk, and there mear smell of off-milk now brings me both a bad nostalgia and nausea. Taste wise, without the crusha milkshake, it’s still Off Milkish, I think Cardboard would be the most similar thing I can think of at the moment, but it was worst than that. Out of my friends and family who tried a taste of it, hardly any could swallow without reflex gags. I had to have two litres of the stuff, and nothing else. I wasn’t even allowed to brush my teeth, but once a week I would need a singular crisp or bite of a mars bar…. and that was bliss.
Dad wrote to Crusha to explain my situation on the third time, as I was gracefully allowed to add the sweet syrup. I’ll be honest, it helped, but it was still terrible. In return one morning I woke up to find about 10 boxes in the kitchen with my name on; very exciting to a kid. I opened them up to find bottle upon bottle of Crusha, chocolate, banana (the best one), strawberry…. passion fruit, blueberry, rasberry, toffee, and many many more that never made it to manufacturing (I can’t remember the others, but I remember there were 12 flavours in total).
After two months of this, my body is finally rebooted, for lack of a better word, and after the results of a Colonoscopy, I was allowed to be reintroduced back onto food, one thing at a time for months on end. The idea is that for the first week, I was allowed the insides of a potato, second week was marmite, and so on until I’m eating normally (took about a year). They start off with thing people are statisticly the less amount of people are alergic too, and if I come across something that sets me off, go back two weeks and see if it really is that food that is setting me off.
I remember coming around from the colonscopy on the ward at the Royal Free, and the doctor being there saying my inflamation has reduced to an acceptable level and I’m ready for the next stage. I was so excited. The first thing up is the insides of a potato, I was allowed half a potato from the trolly. I’m sure it was one of those things where the potato has been on the trolly one day, uneaten, then put back into heater the next day like stock on a shelf that gets pushed to the front as the sale-by-date goes forward. It was a taste explosion, pure pleasure, the first real solid thing I had swallowed in two months, the slightly chewy texture was amazing. It was pure unadolterated pleasure, like being underwater for a whole minute or two and then coming up for a breath. Michaline stars, my favorite meal Ma’ can make, any resturant on the planet… nothing can compare to this half a potato (no skin, no butter, no salt, no nothing)…
…. and the next week I got try Marmite, marmite on potato or marmite in hot water (medically sterial water still), with a little less forumlar than before. And it was just as amazing. Week on week of new textures, flavours, smells… experiances. And with each one, bought less of that dreeded forumlar.