#MyFinalPoops @ TheView @ TheShard – WOW WOW WOW

#MyFinalPoops @ TheView @ TheShard – WOW WOW WOW

The first #MyFinalPoops !!! The Shard !!! Amazing.

Intro and Waffle

Sorry I’m only just getting around to blogging this up, the last few days have been a whurlwind of excitement. From what I know, i’ve been on The Huff Post, The Mirror & The Standard – Plus I was (extremely ineloquently, at 2h22m) on Eddie Nestor’s Drivetime Show @ BBC London ….I was TERRIBLE on this show, really, really bad. I cringe; and as you can tell by this whole thing; it takes a lot to make me cringe.

Before The Main Attraction

IMG_2090When walking to the shops, or when i’m on the train/bus going somewhere, I like to have my headphones on. I’m normally listening to Eminem, Scroobius P-I-P; and Sage Francis… any kind of rap would do, but generally if you see me with my headphones on, i’m rapping in my head. Thing is though, I didn’t notice my Oyster card had run out; the gate was open; and I didn’t hear it bleep. When the ticket man came and said I had no money on my card, I was like “Oh shit“. He was ask me where I was going, what station; and I took this to mean what kind of thing i’m up too. “I’m going to go to the toilets at The Shard“. This was, naturally, quite confusing, and a few people started giggling “No no, it’s for charity….“. “Please sir, I just need what satation you’re going too….”. Boom, £20. Down the Drain. My own fault.


I then meet my friend Clair (Spelt that way•) at The Lang, where we sat outside, and I had a nice Iced hot Chocolate and we shared a sandwich (so not to stuff ourselves for later meal). We sat and chatted for a few hours outside in the sun, and then our photographer arrived – the Amazing Isabella.


Eventually we meet up, and we went to the press office, I explained that we’re here from, and I got my press pass. I know it’s just a tiny piece of paper, but i’ll tressure it, it’s a great momento. I was so proud.


We then got out photo taken in the Green Screen thing (more on that later).

Then we started to go through security; where I caused Quite an Inccident. First, belt off, trousers almost fall down, then my bag scanned through…
Excuse me sir, what do you have in your bag?“, and I start listing things out…. tablets, iPad, Keyboard, Extra USB Battery, blah blah.
Scan them through again….” and they did it again. Same question. This time, he showed me the screen, and there was a long electronic device
Oh, that’s just my pencil“, and then he nods to this scary looking Russian women with a crew-cut blond hair, like something out of James Bond.
What kind of pen has electronics inside it?“…. “Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh“, I understood, it was my Apple Pencil. I guess on X-Ray it does look sussspicous. I go to start taking a photo of the screen, ‘cus it’s cool, you get to see inside it….And apparently that’s a big no-no. The lady stopped me straight away.

Whilst this was going on, Clair was going “Oh god oh god oh god, GONZ, YOU CAN’T DO THAT“, and making a face like I had just done my buisness in the front enterence. And I’d imagine Issabella must have wondered on how much extra she can charge for this job.

It was all OK in the end though.

And we get up on the lifts…. It’s amazing, you can actually hear your ear’s pop. And they go so fast. I did a “Superman going up in the air” pose as I went up, so it was like I was flying up 69 floors.

Up up & Away.

So then we get up there, and Oh. My. Dayz. OH MY GOD. The view is stunning. It’s one of the best views i’ve seen. No; it’s The Best. The trains looked smaller than toy-trains, they looked smaller than Kinda Egg toy versions of trains. I managed to THUMBS UP the whole of London (even that building by The London Eye; the one where they make the important decisions). We could even see, on the horizon, Wembley – where Clair (100% still spelt like that•) Lives.

Isabella took the press shots, that I don’t have at the moment, i’m a bit scared incase I don’t like them, I have a few inslightly-parts that I would hate to be highlighted (Crohns can effect your skin and teeth; not badly, but still, it’s a proper-camera, so they might show).

And so, onto buisness….

The toilets at The View on top. We took some Press Shots, at first. They have a consistant cleaning lady, always there going about making sure the place is ready for it’s occupancy. Think of your School Dinner Lady, and you won’t be far off. She was wondering why someone was photographing me and I just said ” * It’s OK, we’re press… we’re not up to funny-buisness * ” and she generally let me just get on with our task. So there’s a few shots of me washing my hands, looking out the window, that kind of thing. I was using my foot to open the door anyway, so Isabella could get the right angles.

I must say, having floor-to-ceiling windows though, wow. #GoodMove I’m so amazed to be there, so honoured.

We then noticed the disabled toilets, which naturally has more room, so we went in there, did the same thing. It was then when isabella, who was slightly embarassed, turned to me and said ” Could I get some shots… ” and I thought to myself

  1. If we we’re at the swmming pool, she’d see a lot more.
  2. I’m here to raise awareness too.
  3. What’s the big deal?
  4. I had just posted a similar picture on Facebook saying exactly what’s in this list; along with a picture of myself #TrousersDownPantsUp.

Isabella was very profesional about it, and we started taking those kinds of shots. There was nothing kinky, I was just sitting there, looking like I was taking selfies / playing with my iPad / reading a book. It’s a shame we didn’t think to bring a paper.

It was then we had a knock on the door, so naturally Isabella opened it; it was the lovely Cleaning Lady from before.

She walks in on this scene.


Oh no you don’t ! Not in here you don’t ! Get OUT ! None of that here.

Well, apparently, (and this is my own phrase), there is a Floor 69 club. Also, there is no no reception up there; for me to show her my phone. It took me about 15 minutes explaining to this lady that it’s for charity. There was also a (very good looking) lady in a wheelchair who need to use the lav (this was a DoucheMove by me; I didn’t know she was outside, but making someone wait whilst we mess about, is very hypocritical. More on this later) – luckly she was laughing along with the rest of the queue to the other toilets.

* I’m with the press * “…” * Just look at my phone… this is me in The Mirror explaining it, and The Standard, and The Huff Post…*”… Isabella going bright red … ” * I’ve come here to do a poop for charity * ” ….. etc etc etc.

In the end, I finally convinced her. But she said we can’t do any more, or she’ll get in trouble herself.

It was all OK in the end though.

It was then, that I said that I needed to go anyway. And can I go in by myself? Of course no problem with that. Now, and I think this is genious, I kind of rest my phone on the clothes-peg, and use my Apple Watch as a “View Finder / Remote Trigger” for my iPhone…. you can also have a little count-down. I’ll probably write about this tech. Also, my iPhone Case has a little kick-stand. That allowed for me to get the following shots.

It was then, a lady in an very offical looking purple suit (think: Willy Wonka, American Accent, But a much better looking lady) came up to me with 3 security guards, a few management and the cleaner from before. I explained it all to them, showed then the pictures on my phone, “There is nothing on here I would not show my own Ma’” was the final thing that settled it. They were good sports on this, I can only imagine what they thought, and were totaly in the right.

It was all OK in the end though.

I asked for a Group Photo of myself and the staff who were barrating me, but they didn’t want to be on camera – and I can understand. James Bond might seduce one of them, steal their work passes, get into the staff room, have a good Poo in The Loo with a View; use their apple-pencil to USB hack the mainframe; and end up getting all the Green Screen pictures of famous people (see final photos). Actually, I have a real soft spot for the Dinner Lady I spoke about above, she was like your favorite aunt.


And then; London at Night.

It was then getting dark, so we went to find Clair (yes, spelt like that•), and she was watching as how the lights started to come on, and it’s quite breath-taking. What’s amazing was, in the distance you could see a blue-light flashing (an emergency viachle) and I wondered how far it must be and for us to still see the lights.

Myself and Clair (still spelt that way•) then parted company with Isabella, and went off to find a Sushi resturant. We were walking for an hour trying to find it, but we just couldn’t. So we went for thai instead; which was lovely. I then got a cab to Gov Gdn, tube to Oakwood, and cab home.

Ironicly, as “Greatness did not provail” at The Shard, I almost didn’t make it home on the tube. I had to run into a resturant in Oakwood to buy something and use their facilities.

Here’s some final pics I’ve got of the rest of the evening.

Write up

I really can’t think the Totally 100% AWESOME Courtney over at enough, nor [My Friend; My Brain Filter; The Lovely – Clair]@CurlyClair, nor Isabella (get back to me girl ! I want to add you on my Facebook/Twitter !!!! And link to you here !!!).

And here’s to many more #MyFinalPoops . Anyone has an interesting toilet they can let me use, let me know ! I’m especially after seeing the following

  1. Theaters, maybe see a show and meet the cast? Is that a bit much? I’d love this so much.
  2. Anywhere Regal, such as The Royal Albert Hall, Clarence House, Buckingham Palace etc.
  3. Any amazing Hotels, Resturants, etc.
  4. Sky Scrapers would be amazing, I’ve got a thing for them now.
  5. Anywhere on This List.
  6. You suggest ! Tweet me at @PaulyPutz or Friend me on

And Thank You to all Those who have donated – I had no idea what to put as the target, but am stunned by the outpouring of generousity. And i’ve really felt the love too…..

Especially the The View, S**T London Facebook Group &

• RE: How to spell Clair…. Clair’s actual spelling of her name is Clare, but I have her as Clair down on my phone. She wasn’t happy. But I always know that’s The Right Clair; because there are a few Clares – but Only One Clair.

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